What matters in life is not what happens to you but what you remember and how you remember it. - Marquez

I will probably remember this week by a few things. This week was when Ethan (my 4-week old son) had a hard time breathing. Breaks my heart to even think about it. Putting these thoughts into words is a way to take a different look at the situation and to let my mind reconstruct the surrounding events to this pivotal event.

Here is what I wrote right after the events. As of today, Ethan is doing much better. He is out of the isolette and his temperature is stable again. The doctors don’t know what caused the set of episodes but we are happy he’s doing better. They will need to give Ethan indocine to try to close a PDA.

We don’t know anything different to the NICU. We had preemies and they went directly to the NICU ( Neonatal Intensive Care Unit) level 1, the highest level intense care unit at the Stanford Children’s Hospital. Since birth our kids have been hooked up to a thousand and one machines. The machines monitor everything from heart rate to chest movement to pulse. We are thankful for the technology that is available now at the hospital and the level of care the kids are getting.

We didn’t know anything different from the NICU but as time goes by the reality of the situation is becoming ever more apparent. As I said, the babies are hooked up to a thousand and one machines. That shouldn’t be. The toll that this experience is taking on us is becoming also more apparent. Becca’s health is not the best and the stress of the situation is not helping.

We got comfortable with the situation. After the babies were moved to the intermediate NICU (level 2), we got into a routine. Rebecca spent the entire day with them at the hospital and I joined her after work. The babies started growing and eating on their own. Little by little they both gained over a pound and a half. Ethan was taken out of his isolette and put in an open crib. Things were looking up.

Isaac (as small as he is) continued to grow and eat. Isaac’s feeding-by-mouth style is to start by pretending that the bottle is an ice cream cone. He carefully sticks his tongue out and softly licks the tip of the bottle’s nipple to test the territory. Then he gets excited and tries to eat on his own by putting the nipple into his mouth. After a few milliliters of eating he usually falls sleep on the job. He always gives it his best try.

Life was stabilizing again after quite a stressful ride.

Yesterday I got a call from Rebecca in the middle of the afternoon. Ethan had a serious Brady episode. We spent the afternoon and night at the hospital. The Brady was serious enough that the doctors decided to move Ethan back to the level I NICU again. Sevaral tests were ordered. A couple of X-rays. The IV had to be put into him again. The doctors ordered NPO (no feeding by mouth) for a few days. They don’t know what is going on with Ethan. It might be a one off episode or it might be an infection of some sort. They just don’t know and that’s scary because they always have a good idea of what’s going on. We are waiting on the results of the tests. Our friend Anna was their doctor yesterday. She was very reassuring and helped us understand a lot of the tests and things that they are doing to Ethan to try figuring out what’s going on.

As of this morning Ethan is stable again. He’s back in the isolette a the NICU level I.

Also, Maura was here. She was amazing during these past couple of days. We might have not eaten if it wasn’t for her. She even managed to get the changing table from IKEA for us. She just showed up with food and drinks every night and with a (really heavy) changing table yesterday. I really have no idea how she gets so much stuff done.

As I said before, we don’t know anything different from the NICU. The experience is taxing but every time we see the babies they makes us laugh. They make it all worth it.